This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
