how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
