When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
