Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
