She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
