I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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