I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
