One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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