I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
