Taylor Swift is so right about you.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
