her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
