i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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