I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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