She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
