it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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