Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize