My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
