sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
