upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
