I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Enjoy the penises
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
