She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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