it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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