There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
