Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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