Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
