I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
