Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The best revenge is premature balding
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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