I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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