no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
