wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
