i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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