if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
