Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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