You just made me feel so damn special
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
