we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
