4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
