i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
