Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm too high and old for this...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
