Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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