My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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