so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
soo... how was my night?
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