I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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