Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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