So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
