i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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