Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hello my rib-scented angel!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
