My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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