Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
