I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
