Your tits are I can't wait for
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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