i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
