He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
