you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
