when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
