She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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