When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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