Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
