Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
