dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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