I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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