I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
