i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize