Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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