I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize