Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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