Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
