I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
