so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
