don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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