we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
